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Life as a foreigner
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Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in the "ishimaru_kun" journal:
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07:29 pm
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Yep, I posted! leave me a comment if you wish
About me
LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Duckie
Birth date: 11.02.1987
Current Location: Whitehead
Eye Colour: green/grey/blue
Hair Colour: brown
Righty or Lefty: lefty
Zodiac Sign: Drowning fish
Favourite music: eclectic
LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: French...very
What Shoes Did You Wear Today: trainers, the newest ones. Only minor holes
Your weakness: people, and all that comes with it. I give people too much leeway, too much of myself into every relationship. End up drained and with less people to support me and to turn to than I would have thought
Your fears: girls and the never ending story
Your perfect pizza; meaty meat meat
Goal you"d like to achieve: A wife lol
LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW:
Your most overused phrase: Oh, Edith did/has/also/wants/insert verb
Your thoughts first waking up: Usually no thought, just switching of alarm waiting for the realisation that I'm awake
Your best physical feature: lol apparently skin colour says the Peru team girls
Your bedtime: negotiable
Your most missed memory: 11Jan 2002
LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald"s or Burger King: double double cheese burger!
Single or group dates: Single...well, I'd like to have my other half with me!=]
Adidas or Nike: Adidas
Lipton Tea or Nestea: neither, if forced i'd mix both and try it
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: Nope, no chance
LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Swear: Not as a habit or hobby
Take a shower: meuh, that's not a necessity so some days go without
Have a crush: silly word but yep, we'll see where it goes. As always I'm trying to overcome inhumane insecurity and hold back an overwhelming desire to swaddle in love =]
Like(d) high school: Kinda yea, with hind-sight
Want to get married: yep, very much so. I feel like a half... i think that describes it the best. That I'm looking for the on e that will complete me as God desires.. and me:)
Believe in yourself: Well... yes, but I might not express that or I might act other wise or have doubts about other things involved..so averaged out...:S
Get motion sickness: nope! So get me some fun mobile!
Think you"re a health freak: hehe, yea right, but i like exercise, mostly coz it's fun
Get along with your parents: yea, I just wish that the relationship that I had with them was more open and...forward. I don't share much with my family and I think i'm the most detached of them all
LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank alcohol: nope
Gone to the mall: Tim and Shaz and I went to AbbyCentre!! I spent money=]
Been on stage: no
Eaten Sushi: No
Been dumped: No =D
Gone skating: almost!lol ice rink was broken, but give me a little time and I'll get... people (=D) to come... and Edith
Gone skinny dipping: No
Dyed your hair: nope
LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER?
Taken off your clothes in a game: lol not that I can remember!
Gotten beaten up: many a time, primary school untill 3rd year
Changed who you were to fit in: Either that or just been a different part of me in majority...I mean, I'm many things, not just weird and silly, also mature sensible and thoughtful. Different company, different me? or just different expression of the same person?
LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER
Age you hope to be married: Since I was 12 I had thought that marriage at 21 was my dream, and to an extent at 20 it still is. But who would have guessed at how slimly possible that was? Still, within 5years would be nice. I hope I've already met her
Describe your dream wedding: sadly I'll probably have no say, the wife will want her dream and my dream is for her dream to be undreamed into real...=]
How do you want to die: far of in the future, of old age and just after the ones I care for
LAYER NINE: IN A GAL/GUY
Best eye color?: I don't care, but I'd want someone secure, confident and mature in their faith
Best hair color?: lol fine ginger!but it doesn't really matter, that was just because=] emm... loving and open
Short or long hair: Definitely easy to talk to and mischievious
Height: fits at my side
Best first date location: well... we'll see what comes about, the company makes the perfection
Articles of clothing: nothing revealing, I feel that says a lot about a person
LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS
Number of people in your family: at least 6
Number of friends: I don't know, but not very large amount. I know lots of people by name and habit, but few do I know deeper than this, and same of them of me
Number of CD"s: over 5
Number of piercing: none
Number of tattoos: lol also none
Number of times your names been in the newspaper: don't know, I don't read them. But i've been in them a few times. Judicial court and all
Number of scars on my body: safe to say over 100 but where to draw the line I don't know=]
Current Location: Home
Current Mood:  cheerful
Current Music: none, and it's cold!:(
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12:26 am
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Discontentment
How weird, a friend of mine just told me they're praying for discontentment in my life... and yet how truly encouraging. Not general discontentment but a desire for a better relationship with God and not be content with what I have. ...
So, I'm home=] Although why the smile? I left life as I had known and loved it for a month to come back here. I left an environment of constructive, benificial God centered people, regular devotion and prayer. Encouragement, love, a sense of use, stressless business, being part of a team, belonging and growth amongst other things. I feel a great sense of loss being home.
Also, my family leaves in 6.30 hours to go to France so I will begin to feel lonely as well. Not that I don't feel it a little atm, I just left my family of 14=] I should explain.
I'm home from Peru where I spent all of my time with 13 followers of Christ who have their life focus being Christ, who's motivation is Christ and who reflect the character of Christ. For the past month I have been part of what felt like the Church as it should be. Although "far from home" I rarely felt out of place or... away from home.
What do you do when you leave that?
So much happened in Peru that I can't even begin to talk about because it would go on for a long time...I guess it's something I'm 'content' to leave in my mind. But don't let that deter you from asking=] I'll answer whatever you have to ask
Also, old snares always lie in wait. I've got to do a repeat for an exam, don't have placement sorted. Am not keeping sufficiently busy and find it hard now to get motivated to do anything. Am going to have a party for Peru, inviting the team and people who are around, as few as they are. All the people i've known the longest are away.Some down South, some in Scotland, some America, some Peru. The ones I care most for are equally distant in the main, though for those still here it give me good time to develop those relationships all the more. Which reminds me, I did a study of sorts on Love whilst in Peru. How little we love!! That's something that gets at me as well.
Bah, time for bed I think. I've come across all sour in this comment but in truth it's all quite good=] Things never go to plan and that has me dubious about what I should do but as always I don't really think about it: )
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  sleepy
Current Music: none
Tags: home
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12:22 am
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Dated 38 days ago
I believe this belongs here
Exam to bebo in 1minute Stress stress stress stress tress!!!=] Or is it!? I find that although everything (ok, just a few) has gone wrong, although i'm a lil angry and ill (that\'s the jelly beans. note: do not eat a whole pack at once, not just after a packet of your friend maryland double chocolate anyway=]) I find that i\'m still quite calm and laid back...
Had exam just there, or technically it continues for another hour so... Have an exam at the minute and feel quite relaxed. Was shacking in the exam from energy!lol Although I did considerably little revision (considerably more than for the last one=]) it seems God has provided and what little i did do was relevant. Even a few extra bits I didn't know got thrown out there so I'm quite happy.
The bank has eaten my maestro card so I currently can\'t go to Peru and have access to funds. Also, £320 had to be payed by dad and that probably put him in the red, I have to pay it back when i come home or possibly during Peru. lol not as if I can use that money when I have no card!!!
=] (smiles) so, even with all that I have a sense of peace and I feel it\'s because for the first time in about a week I prayed. Have been through a spell of being very passive. I finished Hebrews and then didn't know what I was going to do with regards to reading the Bible, so I did nothing waiting to choose a topic or book. And that stretched...
Prayer life took a bash during that time as well and i think that I put a barrier between God and I, not on purpose but just by lack of communication and spending time with Him. Like any relationship, lack of communication and time with the other makes you feel distanced from them.
So, this "new" found peace and contentness I feel is from the removal of that barrier and once again being "close" to God.
I want to say thanks to those that prayed and those that talked to me about stuff like Andy and Stu.=]
Not that you\'ll read this, but all the same=]
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01:38 pm
[Link] | So, apparently there's a whole list of things I should have done by now for my trip to Peru, including a personality test...
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
which says I am:
You are:
- moderately expressed extravert
- slightly expressed sensing personality
- moderately expressed feeling personality
- slightly expressed judging personality
So, i wasn't overly impressed with that, all seems quite passive. I'm a moderate slight kinda person..??lol anyway, i'm going to do some other ones on the same sight, not sure they're obligatory for Peru trip though!!
...bah, they all have to be payed for or are silly, still, that one was ...interesting?
Current Location: home
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Keep holdong on - Avril Lavigne
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11:54 pm
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Pink Fluff
So, a question in one of Carrie's quiz things got me thinking today. It said "do you have a crush?", and having been sheltered I wasn't really sure what a crush was...bar what happens when a car falls on you, or a type of fruit drink.
Anyway, it's to do with relationships=] (said he at 20 having recently caught on to modern slang..what happened to love?or friends?anyway...)
So, yes. Crush. I don't like the word, it doesn't mean anything specific to me but I was thinking about what it is meant to imply, the intention behind the word...that led no where
But I'm reading a book at the minute called "Fool's errand", nothing to do with crushes however but the concept of thought that it describes is what caught my attention. It referred to the pre-awoken state of mind where you're not really thinking of anything. When you have thoughts but they never take form or focus individually. Drawing from that I thought of the pink fluff feeling when you don't actually have a formed thought and how you can have a thought but not form it, or rather have the emotion and feel of the thought without the thought itself...?yes? Like... skipping a step, going from having your memory jarred and going to the happieness that it brings without the memory taking shape? Anyway, it's the concept I was interested in.
Current Location: Home
Current Mood:  twilight fluff
Current Music: Josh Gorban - Remember me
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06:27 pm
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Stealing them also : )
1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship?
masquarade ball
2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
lol i'm a boy
3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
lying in bed thinking bout stuff
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
another quiz (see below)
5. Are you any good at math?
I can do most stuff, i have to for exams! 6. Your prom night?
...yes? My favourite was this years, made so by a young lady
7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
Adam, Noah
8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
nope, for uni though
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
don't have myspace=] don't know all the words to any song..i think
10. Last thing received in the mail?
probably bank stuff
11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
water 12. Do you ever leave messages on people’s answering machines?
not often, mainly i hang up
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
Ash 14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
No,i throw stones
15. What’s the most painful dental procedure you’ve had?
all of them, i don't like the dentist, stoopid rubber gloves in MY mouth!!
16. What is out your back door?
another door, the another, then our garden
17. Any plans for Friday night?
not as of yet, though cinema or work seems most likely
18. Do you like the ocean?
i don't like swiming in it, i know what a sewage system is
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas?
nope 20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
nope 21.Do you have dirty dishes in your sink?
dishwasher my friend
22. Something you are excited about?
Peru!!visiting Ruth, sleep=]
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
never tasted jello
24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
No 25. Describe your keychain:
IA duck and a rubber "R"
26. Where do you keep your change?
in my pocket? 27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
Sunday, there was 20 if that's a lot
28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
N/A=] only have a trench coat
29. What was the weather like on your graduation?
yep!warm and sunny!! i graduate from uni in 2years
30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
mainly open though i'm not partial to either
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  complacent
Current Music: Black and white people - matchbox 20
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09:31 am
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Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Baby can I hold you - Tracy Chapman
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12:44 am
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Today
so, today was a laugh. I got up at 7 knowing I was already late and had coursework to hand in by 4pm. Coincidently this was the same coursework that hadn't been handed in yet. Things look promising for my day! Of course, as soon as I got to uni I... went on bebo : ( lol, NOT HELPING! But there you go , i did anyway. Was hoping to have messages or comments from people, but it never happens, not after you've checked the night before. People just aren't as nocturnal as they used to be, maybe it's the weather...
Anyway, I rock!! Not in a boulder or musical sense though. I got my coursework all don by 2.30pm, no promises as to its quality but there's another thing out of the way! Only Yellow fever injection and placement to go that are big. Oh, and exams (see how little they really mean!?lol).
the rest of the day followed suit and became the best uni day I've had in a long time. Went for a dander with friends, got ice-cream, sang, bounced on trampoline, had food. Most bestest though was chatting away to Ruth and Susie as well, though mainly Ruth.
Had a meeting at 8.30, left for train at 9.30. Got on, got to trooperslane and it stopped!!!grrr... some silly excuse like "the signals aren't working". Not that I was paying much attention, I was bouncing away to my music because I had thoroughly enjoyed my day : )
Oh, a mention to the emo from whitehead who works as a surgeon and has a great jacket who provided good chat whilst getting home, ever so slowly.
I think it's pretty cool to see God at work and how he's changing me little by little. I also picked up a book, "the great divorce" I think. never seen it before but there it was beside my stuff at home. I think there's something to learn from it. I think God works like that a lot, when he wants you to learn something, or help someone else or whatever it is that he has in mind for you, He puts it there for you to see and it's up to you to act on it. A pity about free choice, means I'll chose wrong a lot and I don't like the idea of that. By "pick wrong" I mean sin instead of not never mind "doing good".
I'm not so open with talking about relationships yet, guess I haven't it understood in my head sufficiently to be able to put it into words...
I want to put pictures up but compooter is being silly. Oh well
Thanks for a good day, remember Ruth, help us with fund raising, bring Debbie and Ali closer
   
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  ecstatic
Current Music: it's all silent tonight : (
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08:45 am
[Link] | Today begins early all over again eh? I am not a fan of pre 10am on a Monday, but such is life. Not that I'm complaining as such, just aware that it's not my favourite time!
Things on my mind:
Debbie and Ali. I was talking to them for hours on Saturday night after going to the cinema (blades of glory is worth going to see only if you don't expect a story that makes sense). I'd always thought of them as passive when it comes to religion in general and I'm sure that a few years ago (when I was still in school with them) that was true. They've changed a lot in the past two years. They believe in God, that he exists and made all things. Beyond that I'm not sure they know what they believe but it may go something like... they believe Christ Jesus was both man and God in one, that he dies for our sin and is a way to God. But not the only one. Which, to me, is a bit strange but encouraging all the same to know that they're searching.
Current Location: Chapliancy
Current Mood:  In uni
Current Music: Torag - Mulbat inn
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11:55 pm
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The Journal
Slowly learning how to use my journal! See the way I know have a picture, and that you can see it?? Took ages.. not that you'd know seeing you (the ever vague "you") have never seen my profile before, but it was worth mentioning. Still not sure what all these buttons are for, I still like the paper version better. Only one way to find out though, time to poke what looks pokeable
hehe! Look! I put a picture in! This is Young (yet older than I) Ruth and myself at a friend's 24th.
hmm..what else can i push?...Large teenie weenie...small?sma..uuu aeiou sdPoll #971399 The learning curve continues
Open to: Friends, detailed results viewable to: Friends, participants: 1 Did I find where to put the question on the second attempt? well, I continued anyway. Still, that worked out well, probably looks a mess but it's midnight and uni starts early tomorrow.lol not really, only starts at 12 but i'll prob be in from 8.30... is it strange that i'll is marked as spelt incorrectly but prob isn't?
anyway...
Current Mood:  accomplished
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08:07 pm
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Starting a Journal
I'm actually on my way out the door, late to go to my YF. I'm only writting this to see what an entry looks like... how come it looks nothing like other people's profiles!?
Bah, no time now to find out
Current Mood:  what's this do?
Current Music: The scarlet tide - Alison Krauss
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